The Gold Medal of Courage .....

Watching the Olympics gives me goosebumps, then lumps in my throat, then jaw-dropping doses of amazement. But most of all, I marvel at the COURAGE so many of these world athletes exhibit as they dig deep to fly over a pommel horse, congratulate the competitor who just beat them by less than a tiny slice of a second, or find a way to be gracious as their careers and hard work go sideways or even end.

In the high school Leadership classes I taught, we talked a great deal about courage.  Our class code asked each student leader (many of them elected by their peers) to dig deep to keep their word, include everyone, stick their neck out when they saw injustice or dishonesty, and try to bring their best self to each day.  We acknowledged the COURAGE it takes to stand up for what you believe to be right - especially in the face of potential ostracism from friends or classmates.   And then we tried HARD to practice it.

 The final assignment asked the students to pick a quote that spoke to them about the qualities we had studied and tried to emulate in our Leadership program.  It required a paper examining how the quote reflected the student's  understanding of leadership and an oral presentation to the class summarizing their thoughts.

"Robby" was in one of those classes.  He had been born with complications in the brain that impacted his speech, his gait and his cognitive ability.  Robby waited until the last day to give his oral presentation.

He had chosen Abraham Lincoln's quote about character:

            Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.

On the day of his oral presentation he arrived in class looking worried and shaky.  One of the girls in the class offered to write his quote on the board when he struggled with the chalk and the spelling.  Once the quote was on the board,  he turned to his classmates and haltingly spoke about POWER.  He spoke of TV shows and commercials where people used  POWER to tease others, drive a car real fast, or blow something up.  He spoke of school life where POWER meant being popular.  Finally he spoke to his group of classmates - many of them elected leaders - who had befriended him, who had high-fived him when they passed him in the hallways, who had thought up the idea of having him wear the school mascot costume at the basketball games and the POWER he felt in that incognito role of THOR.

When he finished, I could not speak - and still these years later, as I remember this, the tears come.  The room fell silent that day.  Then "CJ", a tall and powerfully popular senior, spoke.  "We have been talking about COURAGE all semester long.  Today we saw it!"

 I will never ever forget the lesson I learned that day from Robby about the incredible COURAGE it takes to be vulnerable!  Now, in retirement, without students to teach me about vulnerability and authenticity, I find Brene Brown's TED talks and blog inspire me. 

Were CJ's words Robby's gold medal that day?  I wonder. 
  I imagine Robby watching these Summer Games.  How I wish I could put him on the medal stand!  

Maybe we could hold our own summer games - the Olympics of Authenticity!  Go for the Gold.

Feeling safe ... it's CRITICAL!

For 34 years I taught middle school and high school age youth in public and private schools. I LOVED that job.  But it was tough to watch adolescents struggle to survive emotionally in the venue of a public school amid this fast paced American culture.  I learned that if I was going to ask kids to believe in themselves, to stretch and take risks, to work hard to a high standard,  the classroom had to ALWAYS feel safe.  Never could a student fear a smirk, or rolling eyes or a put-down from another. I could not ask these students to take risks if they thought there was even the slightest chance that someone might mock them. EVERYONE had to be valued, ALL the time.

 Every September with new classes of students, we would spend the first weeks talking about what it would take for each of us to make this work.  For those first few weeks, I had to be highly vigilant in monitoring respectful, courageous behavior, reinforcing it, talking about it when we slipped up.  Once that was the clear and non-negotiable norm, we could put the achievement bar way up high.  The safety we felt translated into high achievement.

Now I am retired.  I am a grandmother.  I am thinking in new ways.  I am also concerned in new ways.  

Where do our children and youth find models of integrity and courage to follow?  Where do they find the guts to step out of the bystander role when they witness unkindness or injustice? When will our media and our literature shine a light on kids who do this .... and adults who model and teach this?

My desire to see these values reflected in books and our society has led me to write for kids and start this blog for educators, parents and anyone else who might happen upon it.  It's risky for me.  But I'm  trying to believe that no one is rolling their eyes or smirking at my efforts.

Five and under = FREE!

 " Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you."         Robert Fulghum

Being one of five children in a family on a tight budget, I grew up wearing my sister’s hand-me-downs and waiting my turn for the bike we shared. I learned about want vs need, taking care of what you have, sharing and being thankful.

I also had the opportunity to learn about cost saving of another variety. Always small for my age, at six, seven and even eight years old, I easily passed for five. Family vacations found us in ticket lines at fairs and national parks. I clearly remember the signs advertising Five and Under = Free! As our family of seven arrived at the ticket window, I also remember Dad saying to the person in the ticket booth, “Two adults and three children.” My younger brother was the only one under five, but I knew better than to say anything.

This didn’t seem all that wrong to me when I was young. That is, until I married a man to whom honesty is ALWAYS what you live by. If the waitress forgets to add the dessert to our bill, if the clerk undercharges us, he ALWAYS rights that mistake. And I hate to admit that I still struggle to tell a store clerk she’s undercharged me imagining how nice it would be to have that extra savings.

My Dad was a wonderful man and our family holds a very deep and dear place for me, but it makes me think about what we teach our children each day – both subtly and intentionally.